I'm a nineteen years old boy. I was born in Pakistan and I cane to Spain when I was 12. I had hard-core shia islamic believes and even in my school I always said honestly what I thought and I also tried to spread islam by making presentations about islamic figures whenever it was possible. But thanks to it I started listening to other's opinion and got to a conclusion that not everything that I'm told makes sense. Then I was 16 and I had a lot of passion for acting and singing. I wanted to take performing arts in my high school but my parents were against it,on the top of that I saw two of my relatives dying because of a fire accident and I was also struggling with my sexuality too. I hoped that Allah would be there for me but in the end that hope shattered with my believe in Allah. I started to think a lot and I still do it and nothing that I was told was making sense. The same year finally after some time I came out to my friends as queer and after that to my sister and later my mother. Luckily they didn't make a lot of drama that I expected but still my mother thinks Allah is testing me. After all of it I started questioning everything that I was told before and the answers were never convincing. I started getting frustrated and mostly the questioning turned into debates or started to make conflicts but still I didn't have any satisfaction. I started to share my thoughts with my uncles and aunts and the only thing that I received in return was rejection and now my mother doesn't even want her siblings to talk to me because they blamed her for it and my society always blames women more than men. Then one day the same thing happened and my parents started cursing me again and I got so tired that I couldn't take it anymore and I started cursing Khomeini, Muhammad and Allah and they got angrier. And I made it clear to them that I'm and atheist and that's it. My father told me that according to sharia islamic law if I don't come back to Islam after three days of convincing I should be sentenced to DEATH. It infuriated me more and I even called him a terrorist for that. He also said no one should even eat with me because I'm impure. Fortunately none of that happened but I wanted to know why he said it and I researched on Internet and it was pretty clear that what he was saying is true and there are 13 countries that have death penalty for deconverting from Islam to any other believe. Now it's been a while that I'm trying to find my way and I don't know how though I found Maryam Namazie and I was delighted that there is someone out there who is speaking for us. I also tried find if there's anything I can do here for that but I still haven't been able to find a community in Barcelona. That's why I want to join the ex muslim community and study further about Islam and promote ex Muslims rights in Spain and I have faith that ex muslim community which is also mine now will be there for me.