I'm feeling confused and adrift. I'm a 32-year-old man raised in a Shia Muslim household in the UK, where religion was a central pillar of my upbringing. During university, I embraced atheism, and ever since, I've struggled to define my identity and find a community where I truly belong. I still practice many cultural traditions—a blend of Islamic and Pakistani influences—such as a commitment to helping the less fortunate, specific hygiene routines, and particular views on appropriate dress and sexual conduct, male and female.

I often feel isolated in my position and long for the chance to connect with other ex-Muslims through group support sessions, hoping to meet others who share similar values and opinions. On one hand, I have friends who remain devoutly Muslim yet are socially conservative. On the other, there are secular Muslim friends who completely reject and even feel ashamed of their cultural roots, not to mention atheist friends from entirely different cultural backgrounds. It’s challenging to be myself around any of them because it often feels alienating to constantly explain why I choose one path over another, what I'm going through or to justify my stance on personal issues.

For example, when I eventually get married, I would like to celebrate wearing traditional garb or having a partially traditional ceremony. I love donning shalwar kameez, I love desi food and music. Yet, I can’t stand the rampant homophobia seen as acceptable, nor can I tolerate the way some use religion as a platform for preaching. It pains me to see my irreligious friends dismiss the gentler cultural traditions—as if embracing these would lead inevitably to endorsing bigotry. There are parts of my personal and family life that my White British friends just can’t grasp, which makes me hesitant to open up completely with them too.

I’m reaching out in hopes of finding other like-minded ex-Muslims, regardless of their actual cultural background, around whom I can be truly myself. I’d deeply appreciate the opportunity to join the council and take part in the group support sessions.

Thank you for hearing me out,

Kind regards