Answering why I would like to join is difficult because I am unsure. Possible options are, for example, to regain the feeling of belonging being a Muslim gave me. That loss is very apparent and thus a void appears in this area, for an ex Muslim, by default. Maybe not however, maybe, instead, I seek some sort of revenge? I really don't know as I am not insensitive to the beauty of Islam but am just as awakened to the ignorance it has inflicted, and the impact that has had, on my life generally. For example, my parents, with whom I share a distant relation, both physical location and understanding, are not your typical backward type who can barely speak English etc. They're worse. They can speak English. They can bring up children, indoctrinated siblings for some, who then use pseudoscience, word salads and blatant shifting of the burden of proof, to make you look like an idiot. Worse, one who chooses to leave the correct path. Chooses to. This never sat comfortably with me. And this is the crux of my point. Islam teaches my parents I am wrong and ungrateful as I apparently choose to disobey by not having a conviction. Doubt is my sin. Their faith reminds them daily to stay away from a devil like me. Maybe it is revenge then? I don't know. I know I feel liberated having made this decision and I know I want to help those in my lonely position, especially those vulnerable and unable to help themselves.