I am a 19 year old atheist ex-muslim who has been living in the UK for the last 5 years. I was originally born to two British born and bred Pakistani Muslims who decided in the mid to early 90s to move to the Middle East for job prospects and to raise me and my four siblings as Muslims. I went to numerous British Muslim schools there where i felt the full brunt of Muslim authoritarianism and indoctrination. Those 14 years of my life were riddled with abusive scholars (when i questioned their rationality), racist and homophobic Muslims, ludicrous and totalitarian laws and religious brainwashing.

Although it wasn\'t till around the age of 17 when i openly accepted to myself that i was part of a fanatic and illogical creed, deep down I don\'t think i ever really believed in Islam. And I suspect that most Muslims born in to the religion don\'t either, when they give it enough though. I would spend prayer times listening to the filth the Imams preached and wondering whether i was crazy for failing to see the \"beauty\" and \"wisdom\" in it. Still i persisted in my state of forced ignorance.

I was overjoyed when i left the Middle East, but at the time i couldn\'t understand why i felt that way. Now i can fully appreciate and accept why. Moving here was a great relief from the School system in particular. However, as i was living in a very Muslim part of London and still attached to the same devout family i was still unable to escape it completely. I got good enough grades to get into a decent enough university outside of London so my parents would allow me to live out. And the last year has been wonderful, and the freedom I feel is immense (although i am back home for summer). I don\'t intend on revealing the truth to my family mainly as i am sure it would break their hearts and obviously the more extreme repercussions that most Muslim apostates face, that i fear my family would not hesitate to apply. Still, I am happy i found Reason despite my despondency for the implications.