A Psychoeducational Guide for Ex-Muslims
By Dr Savin Bapir-Tardy, with illustrations by Avesta Tardy
Council of Ex-Muslims of Britain, 2026
Download the book (free PDF, 4 MB)
Leaving to Live is written for people who have left an authoritarian Islamic environment, are questioning their faith, are considering leaving, or are trying to rebuild their lives after leaving. For people coming from authoritarian or high-control religious environments, it is not simply a change in beliefs, as it can affect family relationships, identity, belonging, safety, sexuality, trust and the freedom to make choices about their own lives. Some may face rejection, shunning or pressure from family and community, while others may continue to live with fear, shame or internalised rules long after their beliefs have changed.
Drawing on Dr Bapir-Tardy’s clinical work, psychological research and more than 100 support group sessions with the Council of Ex-Muslims of Britain (CEMB), Leaving to Live explores many of the experiences that can accompany this process. These include coercive control, conditional love and shunning, concealment and living a double life, grief and loss, shame, fear, boundaries, identity, loneliness and the gradual rebuilding of self-trust. Alongside psychological explanations, the book includes reflective questions, practical exercises and worksheets to help readers make sense of their experiences and consider what they may need as they move forward. Its aim is not to prescribe how someone should recover, but to offer understanding, language and practical tools that can support the process of building a life with greater safety, choice and personal freedom.
Although written primarily for ex-Muslims and people questioning Islam, the book may also be useful for partners, friends, support workers, therapists and other mental-health professionals who want to better understand the psychological, relational and practical impact of leaving a high-control religious environment.
The book was launched at CEMB’s conference Women’s Blasphemy, Apostasy and Freedom in London on 26 September 2026. The exercises from Part Two will be made available online.
Important information
Leaving to Live is a psychoeducational resource. It offers general information and supports reflection, and is not a substitute for individual medical, psychological, legal, safeguarding or emergency advice. Please read the Important Safety Information in the book before any exercise that involves distress, privacy, disclosure or current risk.
If you are in immediate danger, unable to keep yourself safe, or worried about someone else’s immediate safety, contact the emergency or safeguarding services where you live.
Examples in the book are anonymised composites and do not describe any identifiable person. Mention of an organisation or service is not an endorsement.